Top 10 Books I’ve Read This Year!



Okay so I haven’t done one of these for a while but when I saw on The Broke and the Bookish that the topic for Top 10 Tuesday this week was Top 10 Books I’ve Read This Year, I decided to dive right back in! It’s been an up and down year book-wise for me – there have been some really, truly awful reads that make me wish I could go back in time and not click ‘buy’ on Amazon but I’ve also been lucky enough to read some of the best books I’ve read in a loooong time so looking forward to sharing them with you all!

1. Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

If you’ve read my blog before then you won’t be surprised by this one being in the list! This is by far the book that has made me the happiest this year! Wasn’t expecting to love this one as much as I did but I definitely had a major case of the warm and fuzzies for this book, and its characters from start to finish. I also had a total geek-out recently when I was lucky enough to get tickets to go see Rainbow Rowell talk about Fangirl in July! Woo hoo!!!!

2. Cinder by Marissa Meyer

A sci-fi re-telling of Cinderella, this one was another one that I really didn’t have high hopes for. Sci-fi and Cinderella? Seriously?? But somehow this really worked and the world-building, and drama totally sucked me in. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on the next book, Scarlet and am currently devouring, Cress!

3. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain

A total change of direction from numbers 1 and 2, this was a non-fiction read that was, as you guessed it, about introverts like moi. I’m pretty sure that Susan Cain followed me around and has just basically written about my life here! Really valuable insights into the introverted brain but without being all academic and textbook like.

4. Paris Letters by Janice MacLeod

Read this and watch Midnight in Paris and I guarantee the first thing you’ll want to do after you’re done is hop on a plane to Paris! A true story, Janice saved up for a year and quit her job to go travelling, starting with Paris. While in Paris she not only fell in love with a Daniel Craig-lookalike but with the city too so she decided to move there. Now you can subscribe (like moi) to receive one of her beautiful hand painted letters about  Paris life every month. They are tres gorgeous!

5. The Rook by Daniel O’Malley

I’ll admit if I’d had anything else to read I would’ve given up with this one because at first my reaction was pretty much ‘What the hell is this thing??’ but after persevering it turned out to be one of the most imaginative and unique books I’ve ever read. MI5 meets Harry Potter – go read it!

6. Crown of Midnight by Sarah J Maas

I can’t believe I’d forgotten about this thrill ride until this far down in my list – sorry Sarah! The second in the Throne of Glass trilogy this one is truly Celaena unleashed! Some scenes – wow, just WOW!

7. The Circle by Dave Eggers

If you’ve ever thought it would be cool to work for Google (like I did) you might think again after this one! Mae gets a job at the biggest internet company in the world – The Circle (aka Google) – and at first things may seem super cool and sexy but then it really becomes a super scary 1984 for the 21st Century!

8. Dreams of Gods and Monsters by Laini Taylor

Ah, the last in the phenomenal Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy, this was a bittersweet experience for me. I absolutely love this world and to get to spend time in again was a gift but then I turned the last page, and it was all over, and then I was blue. 😦

9. Everyday Sexism by Laura Bates 

Another non-fiction one here and a total impulse buy, this is a really, really important read for both women and men about the extent to which sexism still exists, and how it affects all of us. Go read it! Now!!

10. Code Name: Verity by Elizabeth Wein

I’m not usually a fan of WW2 books but after all the glowing reviews on the blogs I couldn’t not give it a shot. A clever, heart-wrenching and eye-opening book about two female military officers shot down in France during the war. You’ll need your tissues for this one!


I think this is the first time I’ve actually made it to the full 10 – go me! 🙂 What about you? What are some of your favourite reads this year? Leave me your link if you’re doing Top 10 Tuesday too!


An Evening with Rainbow Rowell

Now as some of you will know I’m not normally a two posts in the one day kind of girl but I am majorly geeking out right now and who better to share my news with than all you lovely people in the blogosphere! I found out today, totally by chance, that Rainbow Rowell is going to be doing a talk/signing at my favourite bookshop – and I got a ticket!!! Woo hoo doesn’t even begin to cover my reaction and I had to restrain myself from jumping up and down in the middle of the shop, clapping my hands like a school kid when I was handed the ticket. 🙂

From time to time we have literary festivals in Scotland but the big name authors, if they come to Scotland, normally can be found in Edinburgh which is on the other side of the country from me. Very rarely do any of my favourite authors come to the West coast and visit Glasgow, so this is even more of a huuuuuge treat for me!

If you’ve read the blog before you’ll know that Fangirl has been one of my favourite reads of the year! Not normally my kind of book I came across it one day, in the very same bookshop where I’ll be meeting Rainbow Rowell, and after reading all the rave reviews on here decided to take a chance – and boy, was I glad I did! This book just made me so uber happy at a time when I was feeling pretty low so I can’t wait to get it signed and hear her speak about it!

I read a lot of YA, and now thanks to Fangirl, read New Adult books too and I’m in no way ashamed of that. Everyone I know, knows I read them, I read them in the train and don’t care who sees and I write about them on here. And I know I’m not the only person my age (recently turned 32) who reads these kind of books but what I’m wondering is will I be the oldest person at the signing or will there be a bit more of a mix of ages? What do you all think? If you’ve been to a Rainbow Rowell event was it mainly teenagers and people in their early 20s or were there some older (slightly!) people there as well? It’s not going to stop me going or ruin it in any way for me, I’m just curious!

Have any of you met Rainbow or a favourite author?

WWW Wednesday: Whatcha reading?




We’re now halfway through the week – yaaaayyyyy!!!!! – which means it is the perfect time to look back on what literary lovelies have been gracing us with their presence this week, what books we’ve said goodbye to and what we can’t wait to get our grabby reader’s hands on next! So without further ado, I give you my WWW Wednesday list! (I do love a good list! 🙂 )

1. What are you currently reading?

That would be Sea of Shadows by Kelley Armstrong. A new YA supernatural series from the queen of supernatural series, this one is about twins, Ashyn and Moira, who have the not-so lovely task of being stationed next to the Forest of the Dead so they can perform their destined roles – to calm the spirits of the criminals etc exiled there. Usually the rituals go to plan but, of course, it wouldn’t be a very interesting read if that happened this year! Things go very wrong and get very bloody, very fast! So far it’s not proving to be just as good as her Otherworld series but I’m intrigued so I’ll persevere!

2. What did you recently finish reading?

I finished The River of No Return by Bee Ridgway. This was a time travel meets period drama romance kind of book and if you’re thinking about reading it, particularly the paper version, be prepared because this is an epic tome! Back in 1812, Lord Nicholas Falcott is just about to be killed during a battle in Spain when he mysteriously jumps forward 200 years in the future. There he is introduced to The Guild, a creepy organisation of people who all have the ability to travel in time and claim to have the responsibility of guarding ‘the river’ aka time. For 10 years, Nick is quite happy just going with the flow in modern times but then he is tasked with going back to his time and trying to stop a major event that could mean the end of time! Dramatic, no? And, of course, back in the past he is reunited with the woman he’s been obsessing over for a decade! Overall, I enjoyed this book and the ending certainly was unputdownable but I have to admit to finding sections of this one a bit slow, and the characters could be a bit irritating at times!

3. What do you think you’ll read next?

Well, if you read my last WWW Wednesday post, you’ll know that I’m expecting a lovely book haul to arrive in the post any day now. As we all know the decision on what to read next is usually not an easy one but this time I cannot wait to get started on Roomies, by Sara Zarr and Tara Altebrando! I first saw this one on the blogs and it sounded right up my alley – especially given how much I LOVED Fangirl and the fact that this one features my beloved San Francisco and University of Berkeley. Like Fangirl, this focuses on college-aged students and in this case, two future roomates who are getting to know each other online the summer before they start Berkeley. I’ve heard nothing but good things and I’m sure I’ll love it too!


Spoilers – Friend or foe?

Now I don’t know about you but I’ve never been the kind of girl who’s gone looking for Christmas or birthday presents. I don’t interrogate people trying to trick them into giving me hints about what they’ve bought me and even if I get a present early, I prefer to keep it until the day itself because I love to be surprised. I love to get caught up in the moment and not know what’s coming next. And that’s the way I’ve always been when it comes to books, tv shows and movies too. Much as I enjoy reading articles about my favourites, I never intentionally go looking for spoilers and if there’s even the slightest chance that I might find out something before I want to know, then I’ll shut down the website and back away from the machine.

Which is why I was NOT a happy bunny a few weeks ago when Daniel Gillies who plays the oh so dreamy and noble, Elijah in The Originals, totally gave away one of the major, most shocking and emotional twists of the season finale on his Facebook page. Yes, it was after the finale had been shown in America but as the many, many complaints on his post showed, this was weeks before it had been shown in quite a wide range of other countries around the world, including here in the UK. So when it came to the finale while I was still able to enjoy the drama, the emotional punch that should have been there, wasn’t.

Obviously America is seen as the big audience for these shows but the studios and the actors all know they are also extremely popular elsewhere. Surely us international fans deserve the same chance to be shocked and emotional wrecks as those in America? Other actors with shows broadcast around the world, like uber hot and super-human, Stephen Amell from Arrow, manage to get the balance right between teasing fans about what’s going to happen next without revealing actual spoilers and ruining the show for fans.

The fear and dislike of spoilers also applies to my reading as well and I always appreciate when you lovely bloggers take steps to either avoid revealing any big twists all together or at least warn people at the start that your review contains spoilers that could ruin the reading experience for us. Sometimes it can be hard to write a review without revealing too much so I appreciate the heads up!

So basically my feelings towards spoilers can be summed up, as so many things in life can, by a Friends episode. In this particular case when Joey and Rachel are reading each other’s favourite books and get caught up in revealing one spoiler after another!

What about you? Do you like to read the spoilers or do you prefer to be surprised?



WWW Wednesday – Reading, reading and more reading!

WWW is a great weekly meme run by Should Be Reading and every week when I read people’s lists and immediately run off to add to my wishlist, I tell myself that I should really be taking part in this. I somehow never seemed to get around to it though – until now…

Okay, so we’re asked to share with all you lovely people our answers to what we are currently reading, what we recently finished reading and what we’re going to read next, so here it goes!

1. What are you currently reading?

I just started The River of No Return by Bree Ridgeway last night and while it’s too soon to tell if it’s going to sweep me off my feet and take me to reading heaven, I have been dying to read this one for a while. It’s one of my recent birthday books and I was lucky enough to get the pretty hardcover version. Not that appearance matters. I can’t even write that with a straight face! 🙂 It’s a time travel story with some romance and period drama-ness thrown in and I’ve heard nothing but good things on the blogs so I don’t think I can go wrong with this one!

2. What did you recently finish reading?

I just finished reading Scarlet by Marissa Meyer, another birthday book and the second in the amazing Lunar Chronicles series. For the first half of this book, although I was enjoying it, I could see what some of the mixed reviews I had read meant. After the first book, Cinder, I was so caught up in that world and was dying to know what would happen to her next so to jump back and forth between her story, and that of Scarlet, lost a teeny bit of the momentum for me. But the second half – wow! It was non-stop action and by the end I was dying to get home and order the next book in the series, Cress!

3. What are you going to read next?

Next I’ll be reading Sea of Shadows by Kelley Armstrong, the first in a new supernatural series by the author of the amazing Otherworld books. And Friday, already a good day as it’s the start of the weekend, is my favourite day of the month as it’s payday and that means it’s book buying day! Not that I don’t buy books other days but that’s the official day that I try (and usually fail!) to stick to. This Friday’s purchases will include:

  • Cress by Marissa Meyer – No surprise there!
  • The City of Heavenly Fire by Cassandra Clare – I’ve said before this series ran out of steam after the original 3 books but I can’t not know how it ends!
  • Roomies by Tara Altebrando and Sara Zarr  – I have been dying to read this after I first saw it mentioned on the blog but the only version available in the UK that I could find was a large print! Now, I can get my hands on just the right copy!
  • Archetype by M.D Waters – Another one I’ve seen mentioned on the blogs and I’ve been looking to get my hands on. I’ve heard this is an un-put-downable book so I’m uber excited to read it!
  • Can You Keep a Secret? by Sophie Kinsella – Because sometimes after battles against evil alien queens, dystopian futures and supernatural forces threatening to destroy the very fabric of the world, all you really want is a nice no-brainer romantic comedy! 🙂


What about you guys? What are you/were you/will you be reading???

Birthday haul!

Well, it was the big day yesterday – my birthday – and I not only got to spend a really nice day with my parents (and off work! Yaaaayyyy!!! ) eating lots of sweets and cakes, but I was also lucky enough to get some of the books I’ve been dying to get my grabby hands on for months!

Birthday haul

Sorry for the poor photo quality but in case you can’t make them out I was gifted with these bad boys –

  • Scarlet by Marissa Meyer – I loved the first book in the Lunar Chronicles series, Cinder, and while I’ve heard some reviewers say this one isn’t just as good, I’m still uber excited to get stuck in!
  • The River of No Return by Bee Ridgeway – Time travel meets period drama. I’d never heard of this one until I read about it on the blogs but it sounds amazing!
  • Dreams of Gods and Monsters by Laini Taylor – The third and final instalment of the Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy hardly needs an introduction! This has been one of my favourite series of recent years and I’m dying to know what happens next! On a side note, both this book and The River of No Return are actually pretty massive so while I would in no way condone violence to books, it’s handy to know if I’m attacked while out reading somewhere they’ll double as an attacker smasher! 🙂
  • Austenland – Well I have to come up for air sometime so when I’m not reading I’ll be stuffing my face with chocolates and watching this little gem. A rare example of a film that I not only much preferred the second time I watched it but was also actually better than the book!

I’ve been lucky enough to get this whole week off work – after YEARS of exams or studying for exams on or around my birthday, I vowed that when I started work, I would turn it into a holiday if I could, and that is exactly what I’m doing. 🙂 Today was my penultimate training run for my Race for Life this Sunday followed by an afternoon of shopping where I tried to pretend I was genuinely  looking at clothes and not just casually working my way closer to the bookshop. I’d just got 3 new books after all. I didn’t need any more.

Yeah right! If you can’t treat yourself on your birthday week off, when can you treat yourself? 😉 I bought Sea of Shadows by Kelley Armstrong – I loved her Otherworld series so I’m excited to see what’s in store in this new series from the author. Got up some random romantic comedy on special offer as well and if I’m honest, I’m probably going to order Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo later (would you believe the shop didn’t have it in??)!

So what are you all reading this week?

Hello. My name’s Jan and I’m a compulsive book buyer!

The inability to walk past a bookstore without going in and buying books when we know we really shouldn’t, is something that all of us bookaholics suffer from. It’s just part and parcel of being a bookaholic really and to be honest,  I’ve never really felt that bad about it. I mean, I don’t drink that much, I don’t smoke or do drugs, I can still make rent and buy food, so what harm am I really doing if I buy an extra book here and there?

Well, that’s normally my attitude anyway because normally I’ll buy my payday bookstash and it’s really just a case of one or possibly 2 extra books a month on top of that. Nothing too excessive. These last few months though it seems to be the case that if I haven’t bought a book in a couple of days there’s a voice in my head saying ‘Must buy more books! Must buy more books!’ I might think something along the lines of ‘I really shouldn’t – I just bought books/it’s my birthday soon and I’ll be getting more books/I have a ton of books I could re-read etc’ but those thoughts are always gone in a flash. I can always justify the purchase – ‘I only have a few books left and I’ve got about a week till my birthday. What if they’re terrible or I finish them quickly? I’ll be bookless!!!’

I really have no idea what’s fuelling this compulsive need to attack my bank balance so viciously through book buying either! It could be the weirdly up and down weather – sunny one minute (perfect weather for reading at the beach so I need a book for that) and peeing it down with rain the next (perfect weather to curl up on the couch with a book so better make sure I have enough). Or it could be that with various personal stresses going on I’m using my love of reading as an escape more and more. Of course, it could also be that I am my mother’s child and can’t resist a special offer! Who knows!

They say that the first step is to admit there’s a problem so that is what I’m doing here today in front of all you lovely people. My name is Jan and I’m a compulsive book buyer! I’ve been book buying free for one week and I am trying really, really hard not to buy anything else until after my birthday. I’m sure that I can make it. Honest. I can be good.

But then I’ve only really got the book I’m reading now, some of the Throne of Glass novellas and a few extras that I’m just not feeling right now at all. Will that really last me until Monday? And there is still that special offer on at Waterstones bookshop…


How about all of you? Ever gone through a spell where you just can’t stop buying books? Or any tips on how to stay strong?


Birthday bookish wishlist

Hello all you lovely bloggers! Did you know that one week tomorrow we will be celebrating a truly momentous day in bookaholic history?  The day that saw the birth of a person who may one day end up completely swallowed up  by all the books that she’s been unable to resist buying even though she really can’t afford them? That’s right, on the 12th of May it will be my birthday!! Can I get a woo hoo?! Okay, so I really can’t pull that off but what I am hoping I can pull off is that my birthday bookish wishes will be fulfilled and I’ll be lucky enough to get the books I’ve been dreaming of for months.

Just like with Christmas, my friends and family are always too scared to buy me books without a list given the amount of books I buy on a near constant basis. So I have had to be uber strong and resist buying certain books until now. It hasn’t been easy – in fact it has been a nightmare – but now thankfully, the wait is almost over!

The top books on my birthday wishlist are…

1. Dreams of Gods and Monsters by Laini Taylor – The last in the trilogy in the Daughter of Smoke and Bone series, this one was a no brainer for inclusion in the list. I have been DYING to read this one ever since turning the last page in Days of Blood and Starlight!  Seeing it everywhere in the bookshops and hearing people talking about it in the blogosphere has been pretty tough but so far I have been able to resist. I’m not a violent person but it has been made pretty clear that if I don’t see this one on the 12th of May there will be consequences of epic proportions!

2. Sea of Shadows by Kelley Armstrong – Kelley Armstrong’s Otherworld series was one of the first supernatural series that I really fell in love with so I was really excited when I found out that she was starting an all new series. This one tells the story of twins, Moira and Ashyn, who act as the Keeper and the Seeker in the Forest of the Dead – their jobs to quiet the enraged souls of the damned. But this time the souls don’t want to be quieted and an ancient evil is about to be unleashed….Ooooh, thrilling stuff am I right? Can’t wait to read it!

3. Dorothy Must Die by Danielle Paige – This is one I first saw mentioned on the blogs last year, I think, and have been really excited to read it ever since. I’m not even really sure why I haven’t read it before now! When I was reading the first few lines of the synopsis at first I thought this would just be yet another Oz story – girl is sucked into Oz through a tornado and must find a way home. But then Danielle Paige threw in the twist that Oz was not the Oz in the stories we’re all familiar with – Dorothy has become a dictator who must be stopped. In short, Dorothy Must Die. I really liked the twist in this tale and I’m always a huge fan of stories of revolution too!

4. The River of No Return by Bee Ridgeway – Another one I came across on the blogs and added instantly to my Amazon wishlist. This is a story of time travel – Lord Nicholas Falcott is one minute about to die on a battlefield in Spain in the 19th century and the next jumped forward in time to the 21st century where he is unable to go home but taken in by the mysterious Guild. Nicholas adapts well to his new life until the day he’s summoned by the Guild and sent back to the 19th century to help a woman hunted by shady enemies due to a secret entrusted to her by her grandfather – time travel. I rarely read time travel books because they can get confusing and make my head hurt but this one, with it’s element of period drama, really appealed to me so I’m keeping my fingers crossed!

5. Scent of Magic by Maria V. Snyder – This is the second book in the Avry of Kazan trilogy and after really enjoying the first one I was keen to see what happens next. Will Avry be able to stop the army of the dead? Will she be reunited with her family and lover, Kerrick?? I have to know!!

6. Scarlet by Marissa Meyer – The first book in the Lunar Chronicles, Cinder, was one I read purely based on the the raving reviews here in the blogosphere. It wasn’t my usual kind of book at all and if it hadn’t been for all of you lovely people I probably would never have read it. I am so glad that I did because it was amazing! I’ve heard this next one isn’t just as good but I can’t wait to get my hands on it anyway to find out what’s going to happen!


So what about you? What books are you all dying to get your hands on next?

Race for Life: Cancer Research UK

Okay so this is incredibly cheeky and not at all book related but it is for a verrrrry good cause and I promise to write a book related post later! But I’ve recently started getting back into my running again and to celebrate that, and help raise money for charity, I’m running a 5k race on Sunday 18th May. I’m running in the Cancer Research UK event, Race for Life because unfortunately I know too many people who’ve lost someone to this horrid disease and I want to play my part in helping them find a cure.

Now, until a few weeks ago I’d hardly been running for months so the chances are pretty good that I’ll collapse halfway and have to finish the event through a pathetic hands and knees crawl, but I’ll do my best! I appreciate just how tight things are for everyone right now and to be honest, I’m not really sure how an international donation would work, but if you could spare even the very smallest amount for this very worthy cause I would be eternally grateful. And if not, I would also appreciate you all keeping your fingers and toes crossed on the day that I don’t completely embarass myself on the day and trip over or something! Because trust me, that is a very real possibility!

If you can and are willing, you can sponsor me here.

Thank you in advance for any donations and positive thoughts, and sorry for being so cheeky in asking!

The Power of Books: Everyday sexism by Laura Bates

Every now and again a book comes along that really socks you between the eyes and forces you sit up and take notice – for me that book was everyday sexism by Laura Bates. Everyone within a 10 mile radius of me while I was reading this book was subjected to one outrageous story of sexism or unbelievable statistic after another and as I have this blog, I now get to share this experience with all you lovely people as well! You might be getting a bit worried now that I’m about to go off on a feminist rant here (you might be right about that!) but the issues discussed in this book are crucial for all of us, women and men, to consider so bare with me!

A journalist from the UK, Laura Bates was prompted to ask the question ‘Is it just me?’ on Facebook and Twitter after experiencing one sexist incident after another. The response to her question was overwhelming with responses flooding in from women (and men) all over the world and as a result of this massive outpouring of stories, the ‘everyday sexism’ project was formed to help share these stories, and help to inspire change.

Now, I’m not an idiot. I knew that sexism still existed and I could certainly have pointed out a few examples from my own life – either that I’ve experienced or witnessed – but if I’m being perfectly honest until I read this book, I don’t think I really grasped the true extent of just how much sexism, and the severity of it, that still exists in this supposedly advanced, modern age.

The book covers all sorts of topics such as women in the public sphere, women in politics, women in the workplace, the influence of sexism on young girls, double discrimination, motherhood… all aspects of our lives and the roles that we play. Each chapter starts off with vital statistics before going on to share the stories of real women from the project and the  more I read the more horrified I became.

I won’t bombard you with a whole post of examples from the book but here are some highlights:

  • In 2013, just 20% of parliamentary seats in the world were held by women and 19 of the world’s 196 countries had female leaders.
  • In 2012, in the UK girls as young as five, yes that’s right FIVE, were worrying about their weight.
  • Again in the UK, almost 70% of female university students in 2010 had experienced verbal or non-verbal harassment in or around their institution. A situation no doubt encouraged by the fact that during what we call ‘Freshers Week’ in the UK, many universities held welcome events with charming names like ‘Geeks and Sluts’.
  • 84% of front-page articles focused on male subjects or male experts in 2012 and of the 100 most successful films of 2013, only 28% of the speaking parts were female.
  • If you’re in the mood for some disgusting songs about women or maybe even a song suggestive of rape, you might want to try some of these shockingly successful songs – Blurred Lines, Rack City, U.O.E.N.O, Hold On, We’re Going Home and The Show Must Go On. Apparently the videos for the last 2 are just charming!

And I swear these are the last two!

  • The average female executive earns approximately $423,000 less over the course of her life than a male colleague on an identical career path.
  • In  2007 if you were a woman in the UK with a child under the age of 11 you were 45% less likely to be employed than a man.

These statistics are just a brief look at the scale of the problem that still exists and the stories of the women in this book are both terrifying and heartbreaking! I had such a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that this situation still exists in the 21st century!

What Laura is keen to point out is that isn’t a ‘man vs woman’ problem – in no way is she implying that all men are sexist or that they don’t themselves experience sexism. This is a ‘people vs prejudice’ problem. Everyone, to varying degrees, is affected by these issues and we all have to work together if we have any hope of overcoming them. This book should be compulsory reading in schools and for all of us. This is one of those books that’s not just a good read (though it is) but is actually important. Reading it really matters and could really make a difference.

So please don’t just dismiss this and think ‘It’s just a feminist book, it’s not for me’ or ‘Sexism isn’t that bad anymore!’. Please just read this because I guarantee it will be an eye opener and you might just be helping to change things for the better!


Anyone else read this book? Or are there any other books that have really made you sit up and take notice like this?